Right now I'm in my two week wait...the last one before the next IUI. Out last chance of making a baby on our own without my legs being in stirrups in Dr. "Yazzie's" office (as Chris refers to him, haha). I wish that I had a lot of hope. In fact, I wish I was brimming over with it. But I'm not. If someone could tell me how to have hope after 25 failed cycles, please let me know. I know that an IUI gives us a slightly better chance of getting pregnant then we have on our own. But if I'm thinking logically...we have about a 20-30% chance of it working which means we have a 70-80% chance of it NOT working. I'm just so tired of the disappointment.
I watched a documentary last night about this lesbian couple that used donor sperm to get pregnant. They did IUIs for SIX years before getting pregnant with their first child. SIX years! I do not want to be childless in six years and watch everyone else's children go off to school while I haven't even had a baby shower! The couple really wanted their children to be full siblings and were running out of the donor sperm so the second go-round they did IVF and got PG right away. Part of me just thinks we should go straight to IVF and not waste our time with an IUI. The cost is so much more but increases our chance to about 70%. I really don't like being where we are now....making choices that can affect our outcome. Stop trying for a while, keep trying on our own, IUI, IVF, injectables, frozen eggs or fresh, adoption? I just want it to happen so my world can revolve around being a mommy instead of a mommy wannabee. I'm just frustrated. And wishing I had even a little more hope.
Back to add one thing, my next cycle will start ON or extremely close to the day my cycle that I got pregnant (and had the ectopic) last year. It would be neat to get pregnant exactly a year later. I wish I were superstitious enough to believe it was a *sign* but I'm not anymore.
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Jade ~
ReplyDeleteRead my blog....MAYBE it will help...I hope so.
http://justjenuwine.blogspot.com/
Oh Jade, I'm sorry I dont have any words that will help you through this. Just know that I pray so very hard for this to happen for you. I cant try to explain to you why this hasn't happened yet, but I can say that when you do become a mother- and you will by some means- that you are going to be such a great mom and you are going to fill some childs life with so much love.
ReplyDeletePraying for you
-Ashley
I wish that I could tell you everything will be ok, or that "it" will happen "soon" and that "it's just not the right time, but it'll happen when it's supposed to" Quite frankly I get pissed when people tell you these things, so how can I say them too. I wish I had a little whisper or something from God to tell me "when it will be". But I don't understand why you and Chris can't have ONE baby! I makes me MAD that my best friend has to go through all this! You guys are the one couple that I KNOW will be great parents. So I guess all I can do is pray that "it" will be soon, God knows I wish I could do more. I wish people would quit telling you that "it's just not your time." or "your stressing out about it and that's why you're not pregnant." How do they know? They OBVIOUSLY haven't gone through infertility or haven't had a friend go through it, or have COMPLETELY forgotten what it feels like to go through it. I feel like I'm on this journey with you, so please don't feel alone. I love you and Chris and there is nothing that I want for the two of you, to have a precious little miracle! (sorry if it was a bit long winded)
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