Thankful

Tonight I am so beyond thankful for the thoughtful words of a stranger. Today is the one year anniversary of us finding out that my pregnancy was ectopic. I've been moping around and feeling sorry for myself for three days. Pathetic, I know. I was just about to go to bed, and decided to check my Etsy site one more time and had a message from someone. A fellow Etsyer (yes, I made that up). She told me that she conceived her son through an IUI after 3 years of infertility. She also shared a piece of scripture with me,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil.4:6-7

I've been angry with God. I've felt like he is ignoring all prayer requests for and about me. I've felt abandoned. I will probably still have moments like this. But tonight I feel that God is speaking to me. I feel as though I need to stop and listen. To be thankful for all that I have in my life that is going right, and to have faith that my prayers will be answered. I want to have faith with every fiber or my being, so I am going to continue to work on that.

New Etsy Stuff

A Year Ago Today

One year ago today I drove myself to the firestation to show Chris my positive test. We were so excited that we had finally been blessed. We thought our prayers were answered. Two days later we got the worst news we could've imagined. It was ectopic.

I don't want to dwell on it today but I am feeling quiet and thoughtful. I can't believe that a year later, we are still waiting on that blessing. I can't help but wonder why God is not blessing us. I can't help but wonder why everyone around us is being blessed, while we sit on the bench. I'm sorry if I sound bitter. Maybe I am a little.

Having the ectopic pregnancy is part of our journey. I don't think I should forget it or let it go, because it is a part of this emotional rollercoaster we've been on for the past two years. I just hope the ride stops soon and we're allowed to get on a different ride. One without so many nosedives.

I guess I'm a little late on this

Well, IUI #2 ended the same as IUI #1. The current plan is to do another IUI. If it is not successful then we will likely try IVF with the frozen egg from IUI #1, along with any others the RE is able to retrieve from IUI #3...fingers crossed. We will be waiting a couple of cycles to do the IUI though, for financial reasons.

I have 10 teaching days left this school year! YAY!!! I am looking forward to my summer off to relax and get some things done that just don't happen during the school year. I know this is short, but I don't have much else to say at the moment.

And the 2WW begins!

The IUI went well. We have 2-3 eggs and 33 million sperm, WHOO HOO!!! I told my mother-in-law last night that I just need ONE to do its thing. I don't care what the other 32,999,999 do! So now, we wait. Two weeks. Sounds short, doesn't it? Two itty bitty little weeks. They do NOT feel itty bitty to us though...okay, okay-ME! HA HA!

After the IUI, the RE props the table up so that my hips are tilted and I lay there on the table for about 10 minutes. While I was laying there, feet on the table, hips elevated, Chris starts playing the Mission Impossible theme song on his phone for his sperm. You've gotta love him!

The RE wrote me a RX for prometrium also. I started it this morning. I hate the way it makes me feel! It gives me fake out pregnancy symptoms that make me nuts! I hope these two weeks go by as quickly as possible!

Saturday is the day!

We had an appointment today. The sonographer told us we had about 4 follicles that were looking good. Then the nurse came out and told us we had 2 that would ovulate and to stop the menopur and do the trigger shot tonite and come back Thursday for the IUI. YAY! No more Menopur! Then the nurse called me back a few hours later and told me that the RE looked over everything and really wants me to continue the Menopur tonite and tomorrow to give the leading follicle on the left a chance to catch up since my "left tube is better" (I'm still unsure what she meant by that since both tubes were open and looked fine during the laparascopy ??). So BOO on two more Menopur shots, LOL. Our new game plan is Menopur two more nights. HCG trigger shot Thursday night, IUI Saturday morning. Since I will only have 3 follicles, we will not be doing a retrieval this time. I was bummed a little at first because I wanted to have some extra to freeze in case we don't get pregnant this cycle. But then I remembered the not so pleasant retrieval and decided I'm okay with it. ;)

So Saturday is the day!

CD #7

We're still doing the Menopur shots, and they really aren't too bad. We went in today for an ultrasound and bloodwork. The ultrasound showed 14 decent sized follicles (ranging from 5-9mm)and more that are smaller so we will hopefully be able to have several retrieved this time and frozen. I am waiting on a call from the nurse, which I guess I'll get Monday (grr) to tell me when to come back for the next ultrasound. There's my quickie update! Thanks for all the continued thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to me.

CD #3-Femara and Menopur

Alright. For anyone who is not familiar with Menopur, here are some pictures and videos. Ignore my lovely tummy, HAHA.

Here's WebMD's information on Menopur:
This medication is used to treat certain fertility problems in women. It provides follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH) that help healthy ovaries to make eggs. This medication is usually used in combination with another hormone (human chorionic gonadotropin-hCG) to help you become pregnant by bringing about the growth and release of a mature egg (ovulation).




This is for one cycle, $628.00. Menopur (10 vials), Sodium Chloride to mix with, large needles, small needles, alcohol swabs, sharps container, and an HCG trigger shot to make me ovulate so we can time the IUI just right. I'm also taking Femara (pill). And if it works it will all be worth it!




I've never bled after the shots until today, HAHA! Chris thought he'd swab me with the alcohol afterwards, so that was me pushing his hand away. LOL

Update

Well, I started cycle #27 today. I did quite a bit of pouting about it yesterday but I'm going to try to look forward and be as positive as possible this cycle. We will be doing another IUI this month, with Femara and Menopur injections. I'll keep everyone posted. Hopefully it will work. And if it doesn't, hopefully we will have some extra eggs to retrieve and freeze and be able to do a frozen IVF cycle next, which is much cheaper. So there's the update. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

Hope

Right now I'm in my two week wait...the last one before the next IUI. Out last chance of making a baby on our own without my legs being in stirrups in Dr. "Yazzie's" office (as Chris refers to him, haha). I wish that I had a lot of hope. In fact, I wish I was brimming over with it. But I'm not. If someone could tell me how to have hope after 25 failed cycles, please let me know. I know that an IUI gives us a slightly better chance of getting pregnant then we have on our own. But if I'm thinking logically...we have about a 20-30% chance of it working which means we have a 70-80% chance of it NOT working. I'm just so tired of the disappointment.

I watched a documentary last night about this lesbian couple that used donor sperm to get pregnant. They did IUIs for SIX years before getting pregnant with their first child. SIX years! I do not want to be childless in six years and watch everyone else's children go off to school while I haven't even had a baby shower! The couple really wanted their children to be full siblings and were running out of the donor sperm so the second go-round they did IVF and got PG right away. Part of me just thinks we should go straight to IVF and not waste our time with an IUI. The cost is so much more but increases our chance to about 70%. I really don't like being where we are now....making choices that can affect our outcome. Stop trying for a while, keep trying on our own, IUI, IVF, injectables, frozen eggs or fresh, adoption? I just want it to happen so my world can revolve around being a mommy instead of a mommy wannabee. I'm just frustrated. And wishing I had even a little more hope.

Back to add one thing, my next cycle will start ON or extremely close to the day my cycle that I got pregnant (and had the ectopic) last year. It would be neat to get pregnant exactly a year later. I wish I were superstitious enough to believe it was a *sign* but I'm not anymore.